Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Masters of Art in Procrastination

This is my life right now (and has been for the last 5 months):


I have sat at this table reading, typing, researching, writing papers and building now a second website for a final portfolio. I started grad school in January of 2007. Three and half years later, I want so desperately to be done. And yet, I think I'm afraid to let go. In this, my last class of grad school EVER, I have hit a wall. I have pushed off this assignment (that I have barely started and is due tomorrow by 5) and I know it's because I'm scared. Scared that all the work has not been good enough, scared that I don't know what an "instructional technologist" really is, and scared to turn in this portfolio for fear that it does not prove I have mastered this content, but only proves I have just begun to understand. I don't want to let go yet. I have loved and loathed grad school, but mostly loved. I have no sentimental attachment to professors, or classmates, or the campus I have not actually stepped foot on but once in 2003 before grad school was even a thought. I just will miss so much: the learning, the work, the feedback on my work, and the feeling of accomplishment when that paper or project is finally done. I know I already have opportunities to continue research, writing, and development in this area and still gain feedback from peers, but it won't be the same. When I finish I'll be expected to be a professional Instructional Technologist, but I'm afraid I'll just be an imposter.

1 comment:

Christy said...

Good luck on tomorrow's assignment! I know you'll do fab. You thrive under pressure. And that means you'll be an excellent instructional technologist, because you'll shine under the pressure!